Hometown Buffet
by Asura Mori
Summary: It's the Resident Evil cast, Hometown Buffet style. Chris Redfield is a newbie at the S.T.A.R.S. team and he's heading for his first interview, only to find out that nobody's at the office. Rated T for implied pairing of Wesker/Chris.
1. Tardiness is Bad

I decided to do a Resident Evil fic, but only because my younger sister, Shiro, begged me to. Anyway, this fic is based off of a joke my parents and I made while eating at a buffet. Let's just say, randomness and insanity don't mix well sometimes. This story takes place before Wesker became a B.O.W. (Bio Organic Weapon) and right when Chris decides to join S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Service). Basically, it's just a random bit of hell for the newest S.T.A.R.S member.

Before someone says I haven't played the game, I really haven't. **BUT** I have watched my sister play every single one of the games (the ones that have come out at this point). _Resident Evil 0_ with Rebecca and Billy, _Resident Evil 1_ with Chris and Jill, _Resident Evil 2_ with Claire and Leon, _Resident Evil 3: Nemesis_ with Jill and Carlos, and _Resident Evil 4_ with Leon and Ashley (shudder). So to be blunt, get off my case and go bug someone else. Cause I may not have played the games, but I sure do know a hell of a lot about it.

Anyway, this is dedicated to Shiro Mori, my younger sibling, who is a great writer herself. (sigh) I'm so proud of her. Anyway, enough about the unimportant stuff (just kidding Shiro), here's the first chapter of HOMETOWN BUFFET!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Resi Evil... or Hometown Buffet... BUT I DO OWN THIS JOKE!!

Warning: YAOI. That should explain it all. I've warned you, so if you read this, do so at your own peril and don't bitch at me later.

Chapter One: Tardiness is Bad

By: Asura Mori

"Sir… I don't think this is a good idea…" Barry looked at his boss out of the corner of his eye as he stared at the building in front of them. "Why not?" the blonde beside him asked, peering at him over the dark-rimmed sunglasses that sat on his nose, "We do this every first Friday of the new month. You've never complained before."

"That's true, but we also didn't have a new recruit coming in…" Barry started to explain, but his captain only waved the explanation away. "Look. Just because a newbie is coming in, doesn't mean that we have to change our tradition. He can just meet us there." "All right, captain. Whatever you say." Barry sighed, looking to the sky.

I only hope Chris doesn't get lost again…

00000

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!" The man gasped, skidding as he made a quick left turn, his feet almost sliding out from underneath him, "Barry went and hooked me up with a job, and I was SO fucking hyped for this job that I overslept!! BARRY'S GONNA FUCKING KILL ME!!" Dark brown bangs flew into his blue eyes, blinding him for a second. He pushed them out of his face, just as his right foot collided with something wooden.

Feeling air underneath his feet, the brunette reached out to grab something, anything, but all he got was air. He fell face forward onto the pavement and the rest of his body quickly followed after. After lying on the ground for a few seconds, he lifted his head to find what he had tripped over. The perpetrator stared back at him innocently, rolling back and forth with the wind, its fresh black paint and whitewash wheels glistening in the sunlight.

He had tripped over a fucking skateboard.

"This just isn't my day…" Chris Redfield muttered despairingly, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants. He looked at his watch and sighed. He was late… again.

A few minutes later…

Chris collapsed against the wall of the S.T.A.R.S office building, clutching his heart as he tried to control his breathing. He had been running ever since he'd looked at his watch, determined to only be a few minutes late at the most. And he had done it! He had reached the building and was ready for his interview. Now all he had to do was open the door, walk in, and…

A piece of paper hit him square in the face as he went to open the door. He peeled it off slowly, irritation starting to show on his face. He started to crumble it up, when some of the writing caught his eye. He slowly smoothed the paper out, dread spreading through his veins like wildfire.

TO ANYBODY THAT STOPS BY HERE

_All S.T.A.R.S members will be off duty until later this evening. If you really have something that needs to be dealt with by the police, you can find us at Hometown Buffet. Oh, and to the newbie that Barry mentioned, see you there._

_Sincerely, Albert Wesker_

_Captain of the S.T.A.R.S Alpha Team_

"Ah… shit, that ain't right…" Chris muttered darkly after he'd read the little "announcement" the S.T.A.R.S captain had left behind, "That is so not right!! WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?! WHY?!" He threw the paper down and ran around the corner, muttering darkly all the way, before stopping, his features going blank.

"… Um… where **IS** Hometown Buffet…?"

To be continued…

A.M.: I am so mean to Chris, but you all know you love it. (smiles evilly) SO, what do you, the readers, think? Should I continue? Should I quit? Yeah, I realize that I ask this a lot, but I really do want to hear your opinions. Should I change anything? Or should I just keep going with what I'm doing?

Anyway, Chris will eventually reach Hometown Buffet, sooner or later. But the fun is going to start without him. I'm going to switch over to the current S.T.A.R.S members, who are going to get their seats… and then all hell is gonna break loose. (EEEEEVIL SMILE) So, read and review, and then I'll get to update. YAY!! UPDATES ARE FUN.


	2. Who Let Them In?

After a long series of absences, I have finally returned. Muhahahahaha. Fear me, for I am blonde. Lol. Anyway, sorry for the delay. As soon as my computer at my house is fixed, I'll _probably _get to update a lot more… if my parents don't catch me typing up yaoi that is. Then I might be screwed… but then I'd just go back to typing at my sister's house… although she kinda hates me at the moment… damn, too many things hindering my stories. So, without further bickering and complaining, here's the second chapter of HOMETOWN BUFFET!!!!! Enjoy mortals. _Evil laughter_

Disclaimer: I think we all understand that I couldn't possibly own Resident Evil. I wasn't even BORN when it came out. Lol. And I don't own Hometown Buffet either… as far as I know anyway.

Warning: Do I have to spell it out for anybody? This is a Y-A-O-I, also known as a gay pairing. Shounen-ai, etc, etc. Don't like it, then don't read it. Duh, basic lesson in life.

Chapter Two: Who Let Them In?

By: Asura Mori

Albert Wesker noticed the effect the S.T.A.R.S group had on the occupants of Hometown Buffet as soon as they walked in. What had started out as a loud and bustling restaurant quickly went to what you hear when you walk into a graveyard: Absolute silence. The blonde captain smiled as their waiter greeted them, liking the silence. He could hear people whispering, asking why the staff of Hometown Buffet even dealt with them, to which his only answer was: Why shouldn't they?

After all, the S.T.A.R.S group was Raccoon City's only law force.

He looked over at Barry, who was shuffling his feet uncomfortably. The other man had always hated the silence that greeted them, but he could never convince Wesker to go anywhere else to eat. Without conscious thought, Wesker saw Barry look at his watch, then shake his head, which made the blonde smile.

The newbie was late.

~0~0~0~0~0~

"Excuse me, sir?" The man Chris was directing the question to turned around to look at him with an impatient glare. "What do you want? I'm in a bit of a hurry." The brunette knew immediately that he had chosen the wrong person to stop and ask for directions. The man was dressed professionally and looked pompous, so Chris knew that as soon as he asked where Hometown Buffet was, the man would probably get sarcastic with him. But now that he had stopped him, he couldn't just say never mind. That would have been rude.

With an inward groan, Chris asked, "Could you please tell me where Hometown Buffet is? I'm supposed to be meeting Captain Albert Wesker----" "Now why should I tell you where he is? I don't even like the man. Ever since he and his 'S.T.A.R.S' group started playing police officer, this town has seen nothing but trouble."

"… What do you mean?" the brunette was confused. He had heard, from Barry, nothing but good things about the S.T.A.R.S group, like how they were the elite and had never failed a single one of their missions. And yet, here was a civilian telling him that the S.T.A.R.S members were nothing but trouble. Who was he supposed to believe? This pompous man? Or his best friend, Barry?

"Ever since the S.T.A.R.S group has come into being, the crime rate in this backwater town has risen to extremes. And strange men have come to this town, claiming to be a research group. Of course, that was when all the strange murders and accidents started, but---"

"Look, sir, I'm not trying to be rude, but I really have to locate Captain Wesker. Could you please point me to Hometown Buffet?" _Besides, I really don't want to listen to this guy's crap. He'd probably complain about the weather even if it was sunny. Something like, "Oh, my poor fragile skin! How the sun hurts it so. It's all S.T.A.R.S' fault." _"Whatever you like, Mr. Wanna-Be S.T.A.R.S Member. Just take a left on Lakewood and then go straight for a few minutes, and you'll see it."

"Thank you." Chris said politely, while adding privately afterwards, _For wasting my time. I'm so fucking late… _The man didn't answer, having already turned and going about his way. Chris made a rude gesture in his direction, then crossed the street over to Lakewood. The man had said to take a left on Lakewood… or had it been a right…? The brunette turned to ask the man, but he was already gone.

"Greeeeeeeeeeat…" he groaned, "And for some, unexplainable and very annoying reason, there's no one else about to ask. I'm must be cursed to forever remain jobless… God I hate it when I have these types of days. Stupid bad job luck." Sighing, Chris sat down on the curb and waited for somebody else to come around and give him directions.

~0~0~0~0~0~

A few minutes had passed before one of the hosts came to seat them, very reluctantly from what Wesker could tell from the man's face. He smirked very slightly. This was gonna be a very fun outing, like always. The blonde looked over at Barry, who was again looking at his watch and Wesker frowned. Chris Redfield was very late. How did Barry expect him to interview a person who wasn't even here, or even accept the boy when he was so late? The S.T.A.R.S captain could already tell. If he hired this Chris kid, the boy would certainly always be late to work, with the occasional on-time occurrence. Did he really want somebody like that on his elite team?

But then again, what did it matter? They'd all be dead soon enough anyway. With that happy thought in mind, Wesker settled down to prepare for the horror about to unfold at the peaceful little restaurant, a small smile on his face.

To be continued…

Asura: Wow, that took me forever!!!! I was having trouble thinking up an ending for this chapter, because I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal Wesker's (well-known by now) plot so soon. Oh well. Second chapters are good for that. No need to waste it on the third chapter. :D

Anyway, what kind of horrors could Wesker possibly be thinking about? And will Chris EVER get to Hometown Buffet and meet his new captain? Well, duh. They made a series out of the game, didn't they? Hehehe. Read and review, cause you all know I love ya.


	3. How Long Does It Take To Get

Asura: Man, this is really funny. I started typing this chapter just as my Resident Evil soundtrack started playing. It was great. :D I apologize for taking so long, but I've had a lot on my mind. Plus, I was also writing yet another Resident Evil fic, one for Resident Evil 5. Sadly, I've been working on it since the game came out, but I just can't get the inspiration I need to write it. (sigh) Man.

Hmm, anyway, like I said, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to take so long, but I've been taking these stories one step at a time. And I finally got to this one. :D So, here we are, the third chapter of HOMETOWN BUFFET. Enjoys.

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Warning: Hehe. MAN SEX. TWO GUYS HAVING BUTT SEX. YAY. :D

Chapter Three: How Long Does it Take to Get to this Place Anyway?!

By: Asura Mori

Chris Redfield was so fucking screwed.

The brunette stared at the intersection on Lakewood, his head turning left, and then right, wondering what direction he was supposed to be going. Had it been a left… or had it been a right…? "God dammit…" Chris muttered as he dug into his breast pocket for a cigarette. When in doubt, smoke a cigarette. He didn't know how it was supposed to help him or anything, but hey, as long as it gave him something to do, he wasn't about to complain.

He patted his pocket, searching for his lighter. Furrows appeared on his brow as his searching became more frantic. "Where is it…?" He growled, finally plunging his hands down each of his pockets. But his lighter was no where to be found.

Back at his apartment, the lighter sits on his bedside counter, glittering mournfully at having been forgotten. As it is an unanimated object, it can only sit there and hope that its owner comes back soon, so that it may once again be used. But then again, hope is only something that humans have, so it really didn't care, just as long as if fulfilled its purpose.

Which it wasn't doing right now.

Chris sucked in a breath, his teeth clenched as he remembered that he'd left his lighter at home. Stupid. If he had been in a horror film, he would have been screwed. You ALWAYS kept a lighter with you.

Good thing this wasn't a horror film then, huh? (Hehehe)

So, now that his plan to smoke had fallen through, Chris was again stuck with the dilemma in front of him: right… or left…? The brunette growled. This was why he'd wanted a smoke in the first place. Smoking calmed him down and allowed him to think. Right now, he was freaking out due to lack of nicotine. Damn it all.

A sound behind him made Chris turn. A little girl was standing nearby, playing with her dog. Smiling, Chris approached her. The little girl looks up at him with wide eyes, an innocent expression on her face. "Hey little girl. Could you help me-----?"

"STRANGER DANGER!!!!!!" The little girl screams. Chris backs away rapidly, his hands out in front of him in a peaceful gesture. "N-no! It's not like that!!! I just want to know-----"

"DADDY!!!!!!!" The sound of a door slamming open and then closing with a bang permeates the room, filling Chris with dread. A huge, hulking man, twice the size of the brunette, comes running outside, a shotgun in hand. Chris stared, his blue eyes growing wide. "Oh shit…"

"Lizzy! What's wrong?!" The man demands, going over to his daughter and wrapping a protective arm around her. The little girl, Lizzy, points an accusing finger at Chris, her lips pouting prettily as she looks up at her father. "Stranger." She says simply. It's all the older man needs to know.

The father hefts the shotgun up, pointing it directly at Chris' chest. "What the fuck did you do to my daughter?!" He yells, shoving the point of the huge gun harshly against the brunette's ribcage. Flinching back, Chris again raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. "I was only going to ask for directions!" He insisted frantically, "I'm looking for Captain Wesker!!!"

"Likely excuse." The older man snorts, pushing the gun even harder into Chris' chest, "The S.T.A.R.S. building is on the other side of town. You got two seconds, stranger." "I swear, sir!!! There was a note on the door of the S.T.A.R.S. building that said all of the S.T.A.R.S. members were at Hometown Buffet!!! I've never been here before in my life!!! I asked another guy for directions, but then I completely forgot what he told me!!!"

The man eyed Chris for a few more seconds, making the brunette sweat heavily. Finally the shotgun was lowered and the man reached forward to clap Chris on the back. "Well, now, that's no fun. New in town and don't know where you're going? Sorry man. I thought you'd done something to my daughter and I'd have to kill you." The man laughed heartily, earning a weak smile from the brunette.

"All right, let's see… just take a left on this street and go straight for a few minutes. You can't miss it." The man laughed again, clapping Chris even harder on the back. Chris gave a weak laugh as well, and muttered a quick "Thank you" before running to the left. Finally he was back on track… after so many interventions. Finally.

He could only hope that Captain Wesker wouldn't be mad at him for being so late…

0-0-0-0-0-0

"All right men, and ladies," Wesker smirked as the team was seated, "Let's break out the games." A small cheer, overshadowed by the heavy groaning from the other people eating there, rose from the S.T.A.R.S. members as each took something out of their bags. Joseph pulled out a set of dominoes; Brad pulled out a deck of cards; Jill a set of dice; and Barry a pen and a pad of paper.

The five members of Alpha Team all grinned at each other, and Brad and Joseph high-fived. After all…

It was just another weekend for the S.T.A.R.S. members to spend annoying everyone else in town.

"But first, ladies and gentlemen, let us eat. Then we shall celebrate." Wesker said somberly, making the rest of his team laugh. They all got up and grabbed a plate. Joseph let out a triumphant yell as he located the watermelon, grabbing nearly 10-12 slices. "These people never gonna let me eat here again." He confided as he passed Jill, who smirked as she too grabbed a bunch of one item: chicken wings.

They had set up this system long ago. One person would grab a bunch of one item, take it back to the table, and then make another run for yet another item. In this way, everybody would have a little bit of something to choose from… so they wouldn't have to leave the table until at least one game of cards, dominoes, or dice was done. It was a system that had worked for the last year or so, one that would continue to last…

Or so the S.T.A.R.S members believed at that time.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Chris stood outside the entrance of Hometown Buffet, his fist clenched in victory at having finally, after two hours of searching, found the place. Finally, he would meet this Captain Wesker and, hopefully, get a job.

He would make Barry proud.

That was what Chris Redfield sincerely believed as he took his first step into the bowels of Hell.

To be continued…

Asura: After two hours of entering Raccoon City and searching for the S.T.A.R.S members, Chris has finally found his destination: Hometown Buffet. What horrors could await him inside?! Find out next time in the next installment of HOMETOWN BUFFET!!!!!! YAYS!!!

And now for the apologies. I didn't mean to take so long, but neither did I expect my senior year to be so rough. Jeez… how much homework can just one, out of seven mind you, give you? A week's worth… all due the next day. God damn it. So, homework, plus lack of internet has made me fall behind. I'll try to catch up, but my schedule's a bit iffy at the moment. So I apologize for the huge delay. I don't actually like making all of you wait.


	4. Mixed Impressions

Asura: I didn't forget about this story… I swear… heheh… ah-heh… Okay, I did. D: My bad ppls. I got so wrapped up in my other stories that I kinda let this one slide off to the side… My bad.

Anyway, we last left off with Chris FINALLY reaching Hometown Buffet. What wonders –cough, HORRORS- could await our favorite Resident Evil brunette?

Disclaimer: Refer to previous chapters. :D

Warning: … (evil laughter)

Chapter Four: Mixed Impressions

By: Asura Mori

Chris stared at the door in front of him and broke out into a sweat. His hand, ever so slowly, reached out to grab the door handle and, when he did, he grinned, triumph written all over his face.

Finally, he had found Hometown Buffet… and, hopefully, a job at last.

Things were starting to look up…

He went to pull the door open, only to have it come flying open to greet his face. The brunette blinked and fell on his butt, defeated by the door. A couple walked out, giggling, completely oblivious to the fact that they'd just knocked Chris on his ass.

The brunette stared up at them in shock… and then mounting anger. Oh HELL no. Chris jumped to his feet and stomped after the couple, intending to have a couple words with the two lovers… but then paused as he heard laughter issue from Hometown Buffet… laughter that oddly sounded like Barry…

Reminded of his appointment, which he was already extremely late for, Chris glowered at the couple, promising silent revenge, and turned on his heel to enter Hometown Buffet. Oh, he would have his revenge… at a later date.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Chris walked in, oblivious to the groaning of the other customers, and right up to the desk. "I'm looking for Captain Wesker." He announced, ignoring the fact that everyone had suddenly grown quiet. A small gasp of disbelief and some muttering followed his words and Chris felt a cold shiver run up his spine. What had he gotten himself into now…?

"Captain Wesker and his… _team _are sitting right over, sir." The waiter sniffed, not at all pleased from what Chris could judge. The brunette glanced over to where he'd pointed, spotted Barry, and gave the waiter a nod. "Thanks."

By this time, Barry had spotted him as well and was walking over. "What the hell took you, Christopher?" Chris winced. Ouch, Barry had used his full name. He wasn't happy. "I got lost…" He muttered, looking away from the older man.

"… And it took you two hours to get here? What the hell kinda detour did you take?" Barry glowered, grabbing Chris' shoulder. "You wouldn't believe me even if I explained…" Chris answered, sighing, "First a skateboard tripped me… and then I got to the building you told me about, but nobody was there… and…"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Barry sighed, clapping his friend on the back, "You and your bad luck again. Just get over there and introduce yourself to the cap'n. He's already pissed at you, so you better behave."

Chris grimaced, knowing all about his bad behavior. It's what had gotten him discharged from the Air Force in the first place. They called it "defiance of authority"… he called it freedom of expression. Needless to say his superiors hadn't agreed with him… and now here he was, looking for a job with the local authorities. Ah, fun times…

Taking a deep breath, the brunette walked over to the man Barry had indicated. The man was blond, his hair slicked back… and he was wearing sunglasses. This was a little odd to Chris, but he'd seen crazier, so he didn't comment. A dark, navy blue shirt peeked out from under an S.T.A.R.S. issued vest, tucked into a nice set of black jeans that disappeared into black boots. A gun lay holstered in its holster on his belt, but otherwise… the guy looked pretty normal.

All expect for those sunglasses…

But that didn't matter. Chris paced himself, until he was standing directly to the side of the blond. And then he held out his hand. "Captain Wesker? My name's Christopher Redfield. I was supposed to meet you today for an interview…?"

Wesker glanced up at him, giving him a quick peek at the man's eye color. Blue. Electrifying blue. Chris almost jumped when the man smiled, thinking it looked like a snake's sort of grin. But the feeling disappeared when Wesker caught his hand and shook it. Chris wasn't surprised to find that the man's grip was hard and found himself smiling back.

"Albert Wesker, captain of the Bravo S.T.A.R.S. team. It's an honor to meet you, Christopher." The blond introduced himself and let go of Chris' hand, indicating the seat next to him. Chris pulled the chair out and sat, getting comfortable. "The honor is mine, sir. And please, call me Chris." He answered, nodding at Wesker.

Wesker grinned, showing his teeth. "Chris then." He picked up a glass and took a quick sip, looking thoughtful. "But my calling you by your preferred name doesn't change the fact that you're extremely late, Chris. I don't care for excuses, so don't bother with them."

Chris stared at the blond, completely cowed by the sudden change in topic. This guy was good. "Sir, I do apologize. I'm actually not late very often." Not a lie, but not the truth either. His luck was always so sporadic.

The captain chuckled, sipping at his drink again. "Barry has already explained, but I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him: Do a good job and I might just look the other way on your punctuality."

Again, Chris stared at the man. When he'd first seen Wesker, a thousand thoughts had gone through his head, the top most being "prude." He just looked so… controlled, so trim and neat, somewhat preppy… and that was something Chris hated. And then he'd turned out to be this awesome, sarcastic sunuvabitch.

He had a feeling he was gonna enjoy working for this man.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Wesker sized the brunette up as soon as he entered the door. Light build, dark brown hair, blue eyes, Chris was wearing a dark green shirt and tan pants, not at all good first job impression, but it would have to do.

And the aura swimming off this boy… fantastic. He could already tell that Chris would be an excellent addition to the S.T.A.R.S. team. The boy had an air about him that screamed 'leader' and a stance that demanded one's attention. He had been discharged from the Air Force for his defiant attitude… but in this line of work, that kind of thing worked sometimes.

Besides… out of the people he had hired to this team, Chris was a prize. Barry was just a follower, and was already on his payroll. Brad was a chicken and would run at the first sight of danger, so he was really of no use besides his flying skills. Joseph… well, he was just an idiot. Now Jill on the other hand… she had potential, but she was a female, easily swayed, or so he thought.

Chris… was just right. Rebellious and headstrong, with a strong sense of justice. He would make the perfect experiment in this little game.

So, Wesker would have him on his team… whether Christopher actually agreed with his reasons or not.

The game was minutes away from truly beginning… but first…

It was time to let all hell loose in Hometown Buffet…

To be continued…

Asura: Well now… Chris finally got to Hometown Buffet and met Wesker. Yays. Means we can have a little fun now. Muhahahahaha. Read and review please… or Chris will be kidnapped and Wesker will never get laid! LE GASP!


End file.
